Forgiving

This blogging business always seems like such a good idea when I agree to do it, and such a bad idea when I have to open a vein and bleed. But I did agree and can procrastinate no longer, so here goes.

‘If I only had six weeks to live...’ is our Lenten theme, and the question of the day is: Who do I need to forgive and/or reconcile with?

Myself, primarily, for being so judgmental, though I don’t like to admit that I am. For being envious of others. Though I don’t like to admit that I am often that, either. For holding grudges, and for severe impatience. For not accepting people for who and how they are rather than who and how I want them to be. I hate having to admit that I, too, often think and want to say, ‘Build a bridge and get over it all ready.’ Or, ‘Put on your Big Boy boxers and deal with it.’ Or ‘How long have you thought you were God?’

In those following moments of humiliating self-awareness and self-reflecting, I picture God shaking his head and laughing with long and sorely test exasperation at me, and Jesus, sighing yet again and saying, ‘Well, at least she didn’t say it out loud this time.’

And then there are those inadvertent offenses. Clueless as I often am, I blithely sail on, completely unaware that I have offended, or hurt, or demoralized someone with my words, my actions, or my lack thereof. I can get so focused sometimes that I become totally oblivious to who and what is around me and how what I do or say comes across to them. So, I probably need to reconcile with more people than I am aware of and it is highly improbable that I would be able to do it in six weeks’ time.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. Which brings up another question posed for this Six Weeks Lenten theme: What needs do I have before I die?

We’ll talk about that next time.

May your life be a sacred journey.

Janet M.