A Revival with Jesus

I'll admit... when I was asked to participate in the first groups of Unbinding, I was skeptical. I haven't participated in a group study since I was a wee confirmand, 15+ years ago. I'm deeply protective of my personal life. I don’t make new friends easily. I don't pray out loud - in front of people! And.... I was ashamed. My understanding was this experience would take my prayer life to a whole new level. Before this group, my prayer life consisted of what I think of as "drive-thru" prayers. Sending up a quick plea for safety as sirens go by. The Lord's Prayer with my son before bed. Spending two minutes during church running the list of things I needed to confess. Quick prayers around the dinner table. Yes, once in a while, I'd spend time with a book or other resource during Lent or Advent. But by and large, my daily prayer life was either nonexistent or what little was there was monotonous. I was more of a “THANK GOD!” and a “HELP ME, GOD!” type of pray-er. Only in those highs and lows did I spend REAL time with my Lord.

Did I like the book? Eh, it was all right. I struggled with the reading. I struggled with the prayer journal. I’m a 24/7 single mom and was disgruntled that I had to give up a night each week when we’re already busy. I didn’t have the time or the energy. I was terrified of having to share my life with people I barely knew. There were so many reasons NOT to participate. But there was this nudge from the Spirit. Even though I dug my heels in, when push came to shove, I said yes.

And I haven’t been sorry. Not once. Yes, it was hard - on so many levels. But everything I struggled against became the very things I came to embrace. I shared my struggles and dreams. I made new friends. Although our lives don’t allow us to stay in touch like we’d prefer (we're all busy parents), I know I can call on them and pick up where we left off. I made it a point to try to do the daily prayer journal, even if it was just being cognizant of the fact that I was spending an intentional two minutes with God (at a stop light, in the shower, while doing dishes). And yes, I prayed. Out loud! And felt comfortable doing so, even though I was not nearly as eloquent as others in my group.

Yes, this book is largely about evangelism. That’s scary to some, including myself. Merriam Webster defines evangelism as “the winning or revival of personal commitments to Christ.” Say what? When you think about it… how do you evangelize? As Lutherans, we don’t typically go knocking down someone’s door. (That makes me laugh, thinking of one of Paul’s blogs – “Have you invited JEEEEESUS into your heart?”) We Lutherans don’t comfortably pray with one another, we don’t wave our arms in the air. We chat over coffee, our kids sporting games, or lunch with a dear friend we graduated with 30 years ago. We fellowship. That’s what we’re good at. In those mundane, everyday conversations can come a spark. And if you can’t be open about your own faith life, how do you invite others to do the same? Because that’s what evangelism IS: inviting others to a life in Christ. Here at ELC we’re good at the “Our church is so great! You should come sometime!” But as individuals, are we great at having those open, honest and sometimes scary conversations about faith? Have you ever told someone "Yes, I'm a Christian and no, I don't have all the answers?" Christianity is scary to some people. By admitting that we are not perfect, that we don't know everything, that we sin daily just as others do... those are the quiet admissions that can give someone the encouragement they need to know Jesus on a personal level, rather than hitting them over the head with it.

I can be a bit close-minded. This group and study has opened my heart and my mind in ways I never dreamed possible. I’m constantly thinking of prayer. How can I pray for others? How do I not feel selfish praying for myself? When should I pray? I am embracing it and dialoguing with God on a daily basis, even if I’m still a bit disgruntled about it. I’m not teaching my son to merely memorize the Lord’s Prayer – I’m teaching him to talk to God. I find myself signing up for online devotionals and perusing the bookshelves at the library. I’ve taken on a prayer partner relationship with two dear friends. I've had so many conversations with folks about faith in the last few months. I'm an evangelist. (Gasp!) And I could not feel better, spiritually, than I do today.

My prayer for this congregation is that others can have the same experience I did. A “revival” with Jesus, if you will. I feel ridiculous, over the top, filled with love and the Spirit. The Spirit will shine through to others…. And that is what makes me an evangelist. (Yep, it’s still scary to own that title.)

~Jen