Walking and Talking with God

When I accepted the invitation to become a ‘blogger’ on this website I thought I’d be writing once a month on a faith-related topic of my choice. No such luck. I found out there are faith-practice‘themes of the month’. My first assignment was for July, and wouldn’t you know it, the subject is prayer. Which is ironic, because I am such a lousy pray-er.

I really wanted to write about several of the other faith-practices. Like worship. Or Bible Study. One I could vent my laments over, and the other I could pontificate about and maybe educate. But I got prayer. This was definitely the work of the Holy Spirit. She’s big into humility, at least where I’m concerned. You’ve gotta love it. It’s either laugh or cry, you know? So I laugh at myself because if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the Holy Spirit has a deliciously devious sense of humor.

So here I am, wondering what to say. I wish I knew some magic prayer formula that I could impart to you. I don’t think there is one. Do I believe in prayer? No. But I believe in the God I’m talking with and Who listens to me when I pray. Do I get down on my knees, fold my hands, bow my head and admit what a low-down dirty rotten scoundrel I am? No. I know that. God knows that. But mostly I don’t because I don’t think I’m all that bad. Am I perfect? No way. Do I do things I wish I hadn’t? That I’m sorry for? Sure. If I’ve hurt someone in a fit if pique, or inadvertently, I beat myself up, suck it up, and do what I can to make amends. I need to set things straight with that person. You know, get the log out of my eye before I think about the speck in another’s. Only then can I think about going to God with it.

When I do, finally, go to Him with it, I find that more often than not I have to refresh His memory. Then He reminds me that He gave me the Spirit to be my guide and counselor and then of course I have to thank Her for that elbow in the side or swift kick in the butt of my conscience that spurred me into the action I took.

I find I say ‘Thank you,’ a lot. I also walk a lot. It’s nigh unto impossible to walk and feel ungrateful at the same time. Yesterday an ambulance passed me, lights flashing, siren wailing as it turned toward the hospital. I said ‘Thank you’ for all those people who are and will work together to help this person in need.

Every day I thank God for myself, my husband, for the two of us together. For my children and their families. For my larger family and friends. For my Sacred Circle, my Spiritual Direction group, my Bible Study group. For my pastors and my church, for the larger church and the church universal. I thank God for how richly He has blessed each and all of us and yes, I ask that He continue to bless us.

Once while talking with a friend about prayer, I mentioned how often I say ‘Thank you’. She said, ‘How can you say God has blessed you richly when you sister died of cancer, your son-in-law committed suicide, you have two special needs granddaughters and your son was never married to your grandson’s mother? How can you feel blessed by all that?’

Well, I don’t. What I feel blessed with is the 54 years I had with my sister. I am grateful and feel blessed by the awesome strength of my daughter as she holds her family together and guides and nurtures her 3 teenage daughters toward healthy, promising futures. I am humbled by the strength and love and work my son and his wife put into their marriage so that it doesn’t shatter under the weight of raising 2 special (special needs) children. I am blessed by respect for my son for accepting fully his responsibilities for his son, and for the time, effort and money he puts into being a vital part of our grandson’s life.

I am grateful that they, we, all of us have been abundantly blessed with the strength that we need to be who we need to be when we need each other. For that I cannot say ‘Thank you’ often or profoundly enough. I simply lift them, and all for whom I pray to God - and trust.

That’s all I can do. Peace be with you as you continue to walk in the mystery.

~ Janet M.